The visibility conundrum
Ways I am getting comfortable with being seen, on days when all I want to do is hide.
I can’t help it. My predilection for retreating into a dark cave was written in the stars. As a Cancer sun and Scorpio rising, it’s my natural preference. It’s where I feel most safe.
I used to do this thing with Instagram in the early days. I would share bits and pieces of my world, and then like clockwork, every few months, I’d freak out and try to deactivate my account. I would spiral about people knowing too much about me.
As a brilliant friend once remarked: I hate to be perceived.
I had this desire to maintain mystery. As if remaining mysterious somehow made me safe. Safe from the judgment of family members, friends, and acquaintances. If they didn’t really know me, the real me, they could have nothing to say.
But here’s the kicker. My natural inclination is also filled with the desire to delve into the depths of the emotional world. I feel most connected to others when I’m swimming around in those seas. Sharing stories of great awakenings, spiritual learnings, and all the times we’ve felt the most deeply.
So, how do I deal with this visibility conundrum, the desire to go deep with my connections, while battling with my innate desire to remain mysterious?
I take baby steps—within my window of tolerance. A therapist of mine once had me make an Instagram account to share my inner learnings. I shut it down after a few weeks, but this first foray into sharing gave me the courage to later do the unthinkable: make my Instagram account public.
I find expanders that are 2-3 steps ahead of me. It helps give me clarity and shows me that showing up doesn’t have to be scary. Good things can actually come from sharing your stories.
I remind myself that if I want to connect with people, really connect, I must allow myself to be seen.
I also remind myself that I don’t need to overshare. I don’t need to tell everyone everything all the time. It’s okay to keep some things for myself as well. Creating deeper connections comes from authenticity—showing up as your truest self.
But perhaps most importantly, I feel the fear, and then I do it anyway. I find those edges and lean into them. Edges are where the most growth lies. I’ve realized that the places that feel the most fragile are exactly where I find my strength.